After scouring countless magazines, websites and blogs, talking with
people about the topic of marriage and gathering piles of notes for this
publication, it occurred to me that I had yet to read anything about the person
who may know more about weddings than anyone – the officiant. This person is
physically closest to the bride and groom during the ceremony. He or she often
plays an important role in the planning of the ceremony; it is his or her
signature that will forever be inked onto the marriage license.
Whether you’re looking
to have a completely secular ceremony conducted by a person you’ve never met,
such as a justice of the peace or judge, or a devoutly religious wedding by a
trusted family pastor, there are some common things you should look for: Are
you allowed to customize the service? Can you write your own vows? If you are
of different faiths – or one of you aren’t religious at all, will he or she
have a problem with that? If you are not a member of the church, will you be allowed
to have our ceremony there? These are just several, but it does touch off what
underlies this and many other aspects of the pre-wedding process: Communication.
Locally, the Rev. Thomas
Dugan, a member of the National Association of Wedding Officiants, an
organization that serves as a sort of “Better Business Bureau,” as he puts it,
for those who perform the ceremony at a wedding.
Born and raised in
southern Indiana, Dugan, along with his wife Leah, started A Day to Remember
Wedding Chapel, LLC to serve the wedding needs of couples in the area. He
offers some insight into what it’s like to be on the “other side” of the
ceremony in a role not often thought of amidst the million other things to
think about before, during and after the ceremony.
“Every
wedding is special to me for a few reasons: First, every ceremony that I do is
different,” he says. “We will perform any type of
wedding. If someone can dream up the idea, we’ll make it happen. Including, but
not limited to: Traditional, Casual, Contemporary,
non-religious, costumes, GLBT, vow-renewals, etc… we are open to just about
anything.”
The events at a ceremony
aren’t remembered only by the couple, family and friends. “Of course, there are
examples of the groom in tears and about to pass out, or when the flower girl
has a tantrum and refuses walk down the aisle,” Dugan says. “There is something
memorable about every ceremony.”
What are some of things
an officiant should do to help the couple out? “I encourage and work with couples
to make it unique for them,” he relates. “Second, weddings are such happy
occasions. It’s so hard not to be filled with love and happiness every time…
it’s contagious.”
Unique and happy –
things each ceremony should be. And with the help of the right officiant, the
simple utterances of “I do” at each wedding will the climax to just such a day.
